kasia in a nutshell

We all read and use forums in one way or another.. sometimes to only research an answer, sometimes to ask a question, communicate with friends or cultivate inner psychosis by moderating the content. Personally, I think all moderators are either masochists or in early stages of mental illness. Not that there aren't exceptions.. of course there are. Some moderators are in late stages of mental illness.

Forums are incredibly useful sometimes. Ask a question -- get a quick answer without the noise, spam and chatter of Usenet.. Unfortunately some really simple rules seem to escape many forum participants.. It's really quite easy. One wants an answer and some good soul wants to help. Wonderful.. here are easy to follow instructions on how to facilitate such exchange in the most inefficient manner possible..

• Let's start at the beginning: the subject, title, the first thing others will see of your desperate cry for help. It's desperate, no? It's a cry for help, right? Show that!

  Here are some fine examples:

  HELP ME!!!!
  Need Help NOW!@!@!@@@!!!!
  I HAVE A QUESTION!

  Note the fine use of extra !!! It shows emotion! How can anyone by-pass a post with such a title!?!?!?!?!!! Extra points for using ALL CAPS.. IT MAKES THE TOPIC JUMP RIGHT OUT!!!!

• The content: Give as little information as possible, after all this is The Internet and who knows what psycho is making notes out of your every post attempting to collect as much information as possible so he can hack your machine and use it to direct the next nuclear attack against Nairobi. You can never be too careful.. Furthermore, these people who answer are the experts, aren't they? They shouldn't need explicit details.. make them use their brains -- they like to do that, why else would they be answering questions in forums?

  Here's an example:
  

  My computer froze. I was working and then it froze. Nothing, like it just stopped. How do I fix this?

  Hah, let them try and deduce finer details about you out of this one!

• Signature: This is your calling card.. this is what people will remember you by.. there you can put all contact information, your seti stats, the picture of your dog and the entire lyrics from the last 5 Led Zeppelin albums just so everyone knows you're a fan. They won't mind, server space is cheap.
• Follow up: Let's say for some bizarre reason someone actually answers your query correctly and it fixes your problem do not, by any means let them know it was the case! It's considered very rude to say your problem was resolved. Someone with a similar problem could find your post and read it later and then they won't ask a question.. all those poor experts and helpers would be bored to death if that was the case. It's even worse if you thank someone.. that's for like, sissies.

What's worse than being a moderator? Whining about forum posts in your weblog..